So!

It's really hard for me to believe in the whole "signs" thing....

Well today I got offered to head to California for the summer and sell door to door security systems for the ADT Corp. I'm not one to knock on door after door asking people if they want some random thing... BUT it seems to me the perfect way to get to california, have free living arrangements and make a fucking TON of money in one summer! which in return would be my source to go explore once summers over! try the south american continent out for the winter?? you know cause i'm NOT dealing with another Utah winter again for at least a couple years :)

The Co Manager has already taken a liking to me and my personality-hence this all happened in one day! I'm meeting with him monday to roughly figure out details in consideration with my departure! I get of probation in one week so that wont be a problem. Also, I turn 18 on the 6th of June so its perfect timing! I have a lot of decisions to make pretty quick here... but my gut is telling me I will enjoy it. ((despite the slamming doors in my face etc.....))

I have been craving a ton lately... the only thing thats been helping is taking long, long walks alone to come to terms with these cravings and trick myself into thinking of other things. Anyways I find it really funny that in the past week I've began to talk to alot of old friends and they all want to hang out now- kinda funny because now that I'm on my way to deciding to leave they all show up again! ha... its not gonna stop me. They lost the chance at my friendship- I'm moving on! :)

Asphyxiation

Amazingly enough, a simple few hundred miles and a few days wandering the streets of a place I've never been-Completely changed my outlook on where I want to be in the next year.

It seems my hardest time of year is the winter months...

For one I'm stuck inside all day long unless I'm coming to an from some event-which usually are very few and far between.

I want to travel this entire fuckin world!

Whether I pack my ass from street to street catching rides with a thumb or I drive, fly, skate or swim my ass places- It's gonna happen. I need it. I haven't been that happy in MONTHS(referring back to the St. George trip I recently took.

Completely enjoyed myself just walking around (people watching, exploring the unknown and confronting thoughts I've been pushing back for far too long)

Who knows where I'll end up in one year. I don't wanna make a plan, I'm not interested in becoming an occupational slave... The world is at my fingertips so why should I deny letting anything and everything in???


I've been hoping like crazy that i'd find something to cure my adventurous behavior.... This seems to be calling my name out. Some people might see me as running away from my problems, but maybe just maybe I'm searching for the cure?! Even if thats not right I'm okay with it. My entire life has been filled with chains, barbed wire fences, voids and dissagreeing parents... I'm ready to live and act based on what IIIIIIIIIIIII want and not what society, my elders, and parent want.

The Beauty Behind Einstein and His Thoughts

these quotes are so true and inspiring so i totally had to post them for everyone : )

Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods.

A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest--a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal.

Nothing in the world makes people so afraid as the influence of independent-minded people.

All Quotes are from Albert Einstein.

The Vague Tempest of Love

I followed your crimson trail of indifference
and accepted blank moods
contrasted by the slough of hell i pass through
day by day
cutting through the vibrations of energy
that take me back to you.
.
forged words stolen
from the tongue of another memory
when sight becomes reality,
reality becomes deceit
deceit becomes your eternity
if nothing is true, how would i have chosen you
.
cutting between the existance of supremacy in your mind,
and survival of those things in which you call meaningful;
those fucked up aggravatory means of forgiveness
tend to remind me of
an atom, split in two.
quite simply written out,
the death of love,
and acceptance of a justified conviction.
In these things i burry myself from avarice..
.
hoping for the world to wake up to a new sunrise.
as to unthaw the frozen hearts of those I love....
forgiveness,acceptance
.
imperfectionizm viewed as beautiful through my eyes
the eyes that gaze on you, as you lay
undisturbed.
fictionally unleashing all my dreams into your mind
accept me as i come,
dream with me,
run away with me
.
and above all
.
Don't forsaken me
-James Lowe